I went from intense excitement to growing
anguish very quickly that night. The big moment had arrived and suddenly the
world was falling apart!
It’s
been a jarring time for many of us following the shocking results of the 2016
presidential elections. Shortly after 7:00 PM, as the polls began to close
throughout the Eastern states, and the electoral colleges allocated to the
candidates, I was already in panic mode.
I texted my daughter who was in the same mood and then decided to quiet
my nerves by watching an entertainment segment I had saved on my DVR. Once in a while I would glance back at the
live TV broadcast and promptly return to my pre-recorded show more distressed
than ever. At the end of the show, I
tuned back to the election results admonishing myself to quiet down and face reality
but could not stand it. I was a total wreck and by 10:30 PM, I decided to turn
it all off, TV set, iPhone and iPad. By
then Ohio was allocated to Trump and Florida was still too close to call but
with an edge for Trump.
At 11:00 PM, I was in bed, desperately trying to calm myself. I prayed and yielded to
my frayed emotions. I fell asleep for
30-40 minutes only to awaken again and experience painful butterflies in my
guts. I resorted to the many letting go techniques that had helped me on so
many occasions, but incredibly, nothing seemed to work. I was puzzled by the
intensity and resistance of my reaction. I was hoping against all hopes that
there was still a chance and that the unthinkable was not real. On a couple of
occasions, I struggled with the desire to turn the TV or internet back on to
check the results but remained lying in bed in the darkness vacillating between
fear and denial.
It
was not until 7:00 AM the following day, that I finally knew with certainty
that the nightmarish scenario had come true. On my iPhone, there was a text
message from my daughter with a single word “Mommy!!!” and a crying Emoji next
to it. That morning, after my persistent
emotional surrender throughout the night and my acceptance of what was, I felt
calmer and able to go on with my day as usual.
That is until a press alert in my inbox signaled that Hillary was going
to give her concession speech, and I turned my TV on. As I watched her speak words of acceptance
and grace while containing her sadness and regret, I fell apart and couldn’t
hold back my tears anymore. I cried for
her, her hard and courageous work, and the death of our common dream. I shed a
river of tears for all those whose hopes were dashed. I wept with profound
sorrow for me, for my daughter, my mother, my sister and all those women who
had hoped with all their might that we were finally going to make history.
Inside
me, an unfathomable sorrow was mounting, an immense dread of the unknown facing
immigrants and Muslims, minorities and disabled, and all those that Trump had
humiliated and insulted for 16 months straight.
Had he not unleashed the most hateful instincts in so many of his
supporters who felt their prejudice sanctioned by this powerful rich man, now
president-elect, who could shout it all out loud without any human decency,
shame or fear? The spewing of the most
venomous kind was thrown in our faces day in and day out and now we had to live
in a nation whose leader was the mouthpiece for that ugliness. How could it be?
The
Personal Perception
I
am known to have celebrated the new energy of love and hope in America. After
all had this country not voted for a black man twice? But I had underestimated the misogyny and the
potency of the lies that were spread initially by Republicans with a visceral
hatred of the Clintons and later perpetrated by Bernie Sanders’s most vitriolic
supporters. Outrageous conspiracy
theories abound everywhere. Fake news and fabricated lies were circulated on
the internet ad nauseum. The truth was a
subjective construct at best.
Like
many bleeding-heart liberals, I was stunned by this most shocking turn of
events. Throughout the ugliness of the
election campaign, I kept seeing signs of the Universe orchestrating a shift I
believed had been in the making since the election of the first
African-American president. The fast
pace of positive social change in America and elsewhere was a sure sign that we
were on the right path. With the
prospect of a female president of the most powerful nation in the world, I
became intoxicated with my own dreams of justice and aspirations for a new,
kinder Earth. Election night inflicted
the cruelest of awakening.
I
forgot that no evolution or progress happens all at once or in a straight
longitudinal manner. More often than
not, the change that occurs is met with not only resistance but also set backs
of various magnitudes. Our collective consciousness is so set on building a
world with universal love and compassion that I came to believe that this time
the change was not only accelerating but also inevitable. I found myself
repeating to everyone who would listen that the rational modern man’s mind had
inflicted too much pain on the world and it was high time for feminine energy
to take over. It was what was needed to
heal humanity and the planet. I cited
the increasing caring for Mother Earth and the environment, for animals and
their suffering, for sexual diversity and racial equality, for the disabled,
the refugees and downtrodden of the world.
This was LOVE in action; this was human awakening as we had
anticipated.
Where
I saw hate and violence, I explained away by rationalizing that we needed to
uncover the Evil to bring about the Good. I insisted that we could not defeat
darkness unless we shed the light on that which was long kept in the shadows. I was not blind to the suffering, the fear,
the anger and the hate that was raging in the hearts of so many. I did see it
all, I thought. Only I chose to keep my
focus on the positive signs around me that showed me we were still on the
righteous path. I persuaded myself that the only long lasting way to defeat the
darkness was to stick with love and compassion and continue to embrace the
power of alignment with Source. There were times when, I even felt like the
lonesome lighthouse on the rocky cliff, battered by the furious sea still
standing in the storm.
I
knew I was not alone. I live in a community of light workers; I am surrounded
by men and women who believe in their core that we are living in a time of
extraordinary transition and empowerment.
And yet for a while now throughout the lengthy electoral process, I
engaged in an exercise of complete dis-empowerment by investing myself too
deeply in it; even believing that the change I was craving was coming from
outside of me. The first woman president was going to embody it and we were all
going to be saved somehow. I was not
prepared for the shattering loss because of that dis-empowerment. I cried and mourned
as if the collective loss was an intensely personal one. And it was because I had given away my power
to external events. My reaction was that
much more surprising that I had been preaching for some time that it is not
what others did or what events happen that mattered but how we react to
that. Reactivity is the most human of
traits and it is an insidious enemy. It robs
us of our peace and joy by laying blame on others. And oh did we have a chest
full of blame to hurl out.
The
Illusion of Separation
What
I failed to see, what we liberals were blind to, was that the other side had
felt exactly the same way. Half of the nation had voted for Trump even as the
other half grieved in disbelief. Many on
the other side of the American political divide, many of whom it turns out had
voted for Obama twice, had felt profound and mounting despair over the course
of eight years of impotent government.
Many of those who had seen salvation in the charismatic Black leader who
ignited hope in them and subsequently turned to the revolutionary rhetoric of
Bernie Sanders, had seen their hopes of advancement evaporate with the Clinton
nomination. They contributed to the
Trump victory either by not voting at all or voting for him or a third party
candidate. Those groups were all motivated by one thing and one thing only,
Hillary represented the status quo and they were desperate for change, any
change. And if there ever was any doubt
of things staying the course, one had to only witness the unprecedented support
by the seating president and first lady bent on protecting the Obama legacy. Knowing
all along, that a Senate majority was a must if that was to happen. If not,
Hillary’s election would lead to yet another stalemate.
Of
course, Trump voters and supporters too had fully dis-empowered themselves by
embracing a man who stood for radical change. The power of their belief was so
strong, that they were willing to turn a blind eye to all his horrifying
shortcomings and only see the relief he promised. We know now that the hordes who voted for
Trump were not all “uneducated white men” - as we disparagingly view them
amongst liberals. The divide included almost half of all white women – a fact
that added insult to injury to many women, including me.
Regardless
of where we stand now, we must realize how each and every one of us contributed
to this ghastly breakdown of our social fabric and how our government only reflects
our divisions. The advance of social
media has made us more entrenched in our beliefs and created deeper chasm that
ever before in our history. We stopped
talking to each other and only talk to ourselves, reinforcing and strengthening
our own perspectives, demonizing each other in a blatant lack of general
empathy. We think of each other as
stupid and blind to the truth. We are
able to look at the same things and only see what we believe and nothing else.
We’re ceaselessly pointing the finger at each other.
For
even though, I did see the rage and fear on the other side, I did not accept it
and even worse, I dismissed it, refusing to discuss it, respect it or honor
it. Instead, I belittled it and often
called it aberrant. Hoping to defeat an
uncomfortable reality, I shut it down viewing it as dangerous and
misguided. I was easily offended by the
hateful rants instead of seeing the all too human frailty, the fear and anxiety
underneath. Instead of reaching out and
opening my heart and genuinely aiming for peace, I went to war by unfriending and blocking the negativity. Now I can
see that what I did with others I had done with my own negative feelings on a
personal level. I repressed and denied
them, until they reemerged in the form of disease and lingering pain both
physically and emotionally. In other
words, I repeated the same old pattern of suppression and projection on the
social plane with other groups of people.
It is rather remarkable this state of affair!
Trump
may have won a decisive Electoral College and Congressional win, since his
party also holds a Senate and House majority, but we as a nation LOSE if we
continue on the path of separation and anger.
We fail our nation when we fail ourselves and each other.
We
must now take responsibility for our dis-empowerment and divide and accept the
blame where it truly lies: within. At
least those of us with the courage to look inside and be conscious and aware
must now turn our focus on what we know to be the Truth: we create our world. By keeping a steady focus on our fears and
projecting our negative emotions on the other side, we have attracted and
manifested this new reality. The only way out is to return to love and
compassion and open our hearts and our minds to the other side and the best future
for our country. Embrace everyone, including those on the other side of our
beliefs, and listen to them with love and respect, and by being everything we
wish them to be. We are mirrors.
In
the end, my fellow broken-hearted liberals, nothing has changed, only our
perspective must. We are still beacons
of light in a world marred in much darkness. We may not have realized the dream
of a female president, and the side of anger and fear has had its way this time
around by electing a man who represents their raging discontent, but that is of
no consequence; a small detour at best in the path of love. We have fallen prey to our own demons.
What
are we to do now? Stay the course and
take full responsibility for contributing to our separation and dis-empowerment,
knowing that our human mind is not equipped to see the larger picture. Only our
Higher Self can do that. We are being
tested in our resolve to keep walking the path of love and compassion no matter
what the external circumstances are. We
must tend to our personal healing and extend our love to those we perceive as
being misguided. There are several paths
to the truth and we cannot judge others as less than us no matter what they do
or say. For remember, they too are us.