Descent Into Madness: The Incident That Triggered My Mother's Psychosis.

Descent Into Madness

He had thrust her out on the terrace and locked her out, screaming and kicking. 

“You’re crazy! What are you talking? I not take your money,” she yelled at him in her broken English. “Chester... Chester,” she called him back again and again, pounding on the glass door, “Open the door, open now.”

How dare he accuse her of stealing his money, how dare he? She didn’t even know what he was referring to.

He went back in the bedroom, searching around for the box where he’d stashed his cash, rummaging through her closets and drawers, throwing everything out. He had to have a drink. He was broke, hadn’t made a penny at the Sunday flea market where he sold all kinds of knick-knacks. He started drinking upon waking in the morning, still inebriated from the previous night. She’d badgered him in her bad English as soon as he got back home, late, reeking of booze. Where was he again? Where did he find the money to drink? How could he treat her like this?

She got up at dawn, after waiting for him all night, not sleeping a wink. In fact, she hadn’t had a full night sleep in days. Her brain was always swarming, her thoughts always jostling. How could she have been so wrong about this man? She was sure she’d found her protector at last—the man of her dreams—charming, good-looking, and such a good lover. He was going to take care of her, give her the security she yearned for.

How quickly things changed. He came short of all her expectations, badly failed her in every way, like every other man in her life, really. He lost his umpteenth job right after they married, went back hitting the bottle shortly after, made terrible scenes every time someone smiled at her. Her parents would be ashamed of her, marrying a loser, again. This time, she picked him—a drunken redneck, worse than her first husband in many ways. This one didn’t hesitate to shove her around, humiliate her, and even punish her for trying to prevent him from drinking. Not in the morning, she implored him. She only wanted to help him, rescue him from himself. Now she knew not to trust him, ever.

She didn’t know how long he kept her on the terrace, prisoner in her own home—worse yet, captive in her head. She tried to force the windows open: all shut tight. Then she watched him leave the apartment, knocked louder, begged, and cried hysterically. Hours went by. She was still in her nightgown, barefoot, cold, and enraged.

It was gray and drizzly that March morning, didn’t feel like spring yet. The city, across the Hudson, emerged like tattered slabs of steel in the fog, the crests of the Empire State Building and World Trade Center indiscernible, decapitated. She was going to catch her death but what did he care, the bastard. Oh, that’s it! She’d had it. She loathed her limitations, weakness, gender. But it was no good simply resenting her fate, she was going to turn things around on her own, never again look up to a man for security. She wasn’t stupid. Others had done it. An engulfing rage boiled inside her, a spattering cauldron drowning every last sparkle of awareness.

How long was she glued, like a fly, stuck against the glass pane of the terrace door, after her ranting and raving had died? She couldn’t tell. Her body had turned numb, before her mind froze in a paralyzing wrath, hostage of its relentless and obsessive chatter. When she finally saw him enter the apartment, she didn’t budge, followed his every step—eyes unblinking—through the small foyer, galley kitchen, dining-area, toward the terrace door. He’d had his drink; his blank gaze said it all. A taste of bile filled her mouth.

He put a hand on the handle, waited for her to back off to let her in. Instead, she threw herself at him with unexpected fury, shouting a torrent of words he didn’t understand, tried to beat him, scratch him, bite him. He held her back with both hands, arms outstretched, leaning forward to steady her, his heavy putrid breath filling her nostrils.

Suddenly she spat at him, ejecting a mouthful of saliva and spleen with all the strength and contempt she could muster. The thick, foul spittle hit him smack in the face and that’s when he slapped her, hard, sent her flying across the room. She stood back up in a flash, rushed to open the entrance door wide, went after him again, and pushed him out, her eyes popping out of her head, hissing wildly for him to get out, forever, out of her life.

She slammed the door after him, ran into her bedroom, got dressed feverishly, and called her daughter, twice. The second time, she let it all out, vomiting all the nauseating rage, frustration, and despair heaped high inside her.

Chapter 20 - Tricks of Her Mind (Excerpts) from The Road From Morocco by Wafa Faith Hallam (Available online in Print and eBook)

The Road from Morocco by Kelly Ann Smith

THE EAST HAMPTON PRESS

January 23, 2013

THE VIEW FROM BONAC

 Wafa

The Road From Morocco

BY KELLY ANN SMITH

Wafa Faith Hallam’s, “The Road from Morocco” begins in her 13-year-old mother’s arranged wedding bed in Morocco and ends with Hallam’s spiritual awakening after reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” and her move to Sag Harbor.

“I’m so happy, it radiates from me,” said Hallam and she’s right.

When I first met her outside the Waldbaum’s in East Hampton, Hallam handed off her book to me and I immediately was struck by her positive energy. Her smile was so genuine, I could feel it. I could feel it in the very short moment it took to accept the book and I continue to feel it now.

But life was not always so easy going for Hallam. She spent most of her life as a very angry, controlling and fearful woman who got involved with the wrong men and experienced self-inflicted pain. She fought violently with her parents, her sister, her lovers, husband and eventually her own daughter. She worried incessantly about money, which she considered the root of all her problems.

“Anxiety was killing me,” she said last week, sitting on her white couch in Sag Harbor.

She was wearing a navy GAP T-shirt, jeans and wool slip-on shoes. Her dark eyes were slightly lined and her dark hair hit her shoulders in waves.

Hallam began to write the story of her mother Saadia’s life in 2007, but by the time she finished in 2010, it became her own story.

“I had to discover things about myself,” she said.

When she finished the book, she knew she had to publish the book herself and share her story of hope. Four thousand people downloaded it for free during a three-day giveaway last month.

“People can be happy. There is a way out of depression and it doesn’t have to do with money,” she said.

Hallam’s mother was forced to marry her father, who was 33, when she was only 13. She had Hallam, her first child, when she was 16. The lives of mother and daughter were intimately intertwined until the day her mother died in Morocco at age 65. There was no way the author could write her mother’s story without writing her own. So what begins as a lesson in Moroccan history turns into a story of an American’s spiritual awakening.

Her shift of consciousness was not the only thing to change along the way. Hallam was born with the first name of Ouafae. She first changed it to Faith, a literal translation from the Arabic. While she was married and even afterward as a Wall Street analyst, she used Faith O’Brien, obliterating her ethnicity altogether. Then, in 1993 she legally changed her name to Wafa Faith Hallam, simplifying the French spelling for her first name, keeping the literal translation for her middle name and returning to her original last name.

To get a better idea of Hallam’s shift in consciousness, I began to listen to Eckhart Tolle. Tolle said that a crisis situation facilitates a shift in consciousness. In doing so, one goes from thinking with the ego to being in the present. The ego signifies the past and the future but to be truly happy, one must be open to the present moment because that is where life resides.

Tolle made his own shift just as he was ready to commit suicide. As he said to himself, “I can’t live with myself anymore,” he realized there were two people within him, the I and myself. At that point, he detached from his ego and let it go.

There is more power in letting go than clinging to something or someone, including your own ego.

“The ego dislikes, and resists the present moment. Make friends with the present moment. Make the present moment your primary focus in life,” he told Oprah on their joint 2008 webcast. “Recognize the mind activity that dwells on negativity,” he said, “Worry pretends to be necessary but it serves no useful purpose.”

“What you fight, you strengthen and what you resist, persists,” Oprah agreed, quoting from Chapter Three of “A New Earth.”

Hallam took these words to heart and made peace. She started meditating five minutes a day and now she is up to one hour a day.

“I have to stop myself,” she said, grinning ear to ear and jumping up from the couch.

“Things happen when you are relaxed,” she said.

She tells me she is still living on a shoestring, but she’s not worried about money or finding a nine-to-five job, as she was in the past. She has started a new career as an artist’s agent and with her new relaxed attitude, synchronicity is working in her favor.

“I met an artist in Paris who wanted me to help him in America and at the same time, my friend opened a gallery specializing in unknown European artists,” she said barely able to contain herself. “Art is the most spiritual endeavour.”

Hallam is working on her second book, this time fiction and she soon hopes to hold seminars to inspire women.

“It’s been hammered into us that life is a struggle,” she said, “I want to tell people, ‘It’s a lie!’”

But as Tolle said, you must be ready to make a change in the way you think. Not everyone who picks up his books are ready for them, but if you are, you too can be just as happy as Hallam.

“Everything you always wanted is on the other side of fear,” she said.

Check out Oprah and Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” webcast videos on her website, where each chapter is discussed in detail with the author. If you like those, pick up Tolle’s books, as well as “The Road from Morocco.” You might be ready.

KellyAnn Smith lives on Accabonac Harbor with her husband and three dogs and is fascinated by Bonac culture, pop culture, agriculture, poetry and nature—human and otherwise.

Radio Interview - "Conversations at the Café" 10/24/12

Dear friends,

Here’s my Conversation with Bonnie Grice on WPPB 88.3 FM the local NPR Affiliate in Southampton NY on October 24, 2012.

The interview starts at the 30:00 mark and it lasts about 15-20 minutes. Take a Listen!

(Do listen to David Shulman’s at the beginning too if you have time, he’s a wonderful musician!)

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION

Would love to hear from you,

Wafa

Thank you Bonnie, George, and Kyle for the opportunity to share my story!

Wafa F. Hallam, author of The Road from Morocco

Athena, the Lion and the Eagle

Today, I got me my first Twitter buddy and an intriguing one at that.

“Let me first ask you two questions and answer them as truthfully as you possibly can!” he wrote in an email.

“Question 1) Let's say hypothetically that we are all animals in clothes ~ what type of animal would you say you were Wafa and why?  Question 2) Tell me your favorite bird of all birds and why?” and he added:

“Answer in as many words as you wish. The simpler and clearer picture you depict the better!”

How serendipitous, I thought. Only a few days ago, after a long-distance argument with my man, a loud thought popped up in my head and I twitted the following:

Wafa Faith Hallam ‏@WafaWithFaith

I wish to be neither a mother nor a housewife. I aim to soar like an eagle, roar like a lion n make the world my oyster. http://t.co/CdGbt9t8

Hence, without hesitation, I knew which animals I was “under my clothes.”

“I am a big cat, a lioness, to be exact, and an eagle,” I wrote back.

“I have an insatiable curiosity, always looking to rationalize and understand things to better guide my destiny. Like the eagle, I seek to view the world from high above, the eagle's perspective, far away to view the whole picture, and yet stay alert to detect the smallest hurdles and opportunities on the ground.

Like a lion, I am a warrior, competitor, and survivor very much at ease in a man's world and allowing no one to tame me. Imagine I worked on Wall Street, where less than 10% of senior financial advisors-VPs are women; and this in spite of my background.  I was born in Morocco, of Arab Muslim parents in a backward patriarchal society. No wonder I left my native land as soon and as fast as I could for Europe and then America, and I didn’t even learn English until I was twenty-four.

Finally to complete this portrayal, I am also a typical Athena, the Greek Goddess, born out of the split-open head of the mighty Zeus, fully grown and dressed in golden battle armor. Athena’s profile which was sent to me by my daughter not long ago bears an uncanny resemblance to mine.  Indeed, until only a few years ago, I fit exactly her description. Today, a new found spirituality helps me temper my ego and feistiness and find greater peace and acceptance. At the same time, I retained the deep seated values that have guided me throughout my life, love, compassion, justice and integrity.”

“I bet you were not expecting an essay,” I joked. “I’m surprised myself how easy it was for me to reveal so much from just two innocuous questions. My only hope is that you find this description clear and simple enough even as there’s nothing simple about me, I’m afraid."

ON BECOMING TRANSPARENT

Wafa Faith Hallam

July 23, 2012

Painting by local Moroccan artist in Essaouira, Morocco

On Becoming Transparent

Memoir writing is one of the writing genres that have exploded in recent years as more and more people are putting pen to paper and writing their biographies. Like so many others, I wrote mine out of an unflinching desire to sort out my past and make sense of my life. As a result, I confronted issues of identity and came to accept the multi-layered construct that it was, until finally I made peace with myself.

Today, as I delve deeper into the meaning of spiritual growth, I understand that the same guiding hand that led me to reveal the hidden demons of my past is also behind the desire to go on with the seeking I had begun. I stripped myself naked not for any exhibitionist urging as one may think but because without that I wouldn’t have been able to progress on the road to consciousness. 

Our memories and past stories, all our egotistical manifestations and attachments only clog our channels to and from the one source that’s the universe.  They distract us from connecting with the whole and keep us separate and isolated.  When, often from the depth of despair, we seek salvation, we slowly come to see past the smokescreens and begin to sense the truth. The more we reveal and share of ourselves the more we realize we are all made of the same cloth. We are one and the same.  But that sense of oneness is entirely lost, hidden by all the roles we play, all the masks we wear, all the things we own, and all the beliefs we hold.

I’m continually humbled by the response I get from my readers. Suddenly, people I don't know anything about are ready to open up to me, talk about their own experiences, and reveal all their secrets. I now believe, all such hidden demons are only dark shadows which we need to shed light on if we are to awaken to our true self. It does not matter that we come from different backgrounds, cultures, races, or religious upbringings.  At the heart of it, all that matters is our emotional similitude. If the writer is honest and writes from her heart, her emotions will be her readers’ emotions as well. 

If you can feel what I feel, what does it mean? If watching someone else’s joy or suffering on a screen, reading it in a book, sensing it on canvas, hearing it in a song or experiencing it in a dance movement turns into our own joy or suffering, what does that tell us? It screams: We are ONE… You are a mirror image of me and I am a mirror image of you.  Why is that such a difficult concept to comprehend still? Love and compassion are not mere words; they encompass what it means to be part of a whole. When I love myself, I cannot help but loving others. It’s that simple. 

Most of the fear and hate experienced by human beings towards other human beings come from their own lack of self-love. Deep within, they hold an ocean of fear and mistrust of themselves, of their natural tendencies and repressed yearnings. The more we hide from ourselves the more we want to repress others. The more we hurt inside, the more we want to punish others. “Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you,” I read somewhere.

We can speak of love in so many words but we cannot hide from our actions.  And when it comes to love, action is compassion! It’s the opposite of judgment and therefore love is also acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness. There is no escaping this truth.

Shambhala teachings insist that the true warrior is one who makes himself utterly vulnerable by opening his heart to others and being genuine all the time. They also maintain that the first step toward that goal begins with oneself. That’s an absolute prerequisite.  In other words, we must learn not to hide; first from ourselves and then from others. To become transparent and open up ourselves to introspection, acceptance and forgiveness means we’re ready to step into the light and awaken. To know oneself leads to changing oneself and that in turn shows the way for others to change until the entire world is transformed. Nothing more needs to be done but taking that first step and beginning the work of knowing thyself.

There are all kinds of social and cultural norms that bend us into a rigid conformity. And herein lays a paradox. We are coaxed into behaving within the boundaries of proper rules of conduct so that we can fit neatly into a particular group even as we are groomed to develop our own individuality and stand out from the crowd. To achieve such a feast, we’re forever hiding facets of ourselves that are not deemed acceptable by the group. And so under the guise of privacy, our lives are filled with pretenses and disguises, but let not that come in the way of our “success.” Is it any wonder there is so much deep-seated unhappiness in our world?

As denial becomes second-nature, we go on perpetrating darkness and falsehood. The ego, speaking through the monkey mind, has the upper hand. If we’re doing everything we’re supposed to and are still miserable it must be something or someone else is responsible for our discontent: we don’t have the things we desire, people are not behaving the way we want them to, and our circumstances are to blame.  The finger is always pointing outward. With all those fingers pointing at each other, our world is mired in conflict. 

Hence again as we seek peace and enlightenment, the most important thing to learn is to turn that finger towards oneself, inward.  In many traditions, including Kabbalah, Sufism, and Buddhism, it is stipulated without equivocation that we must never blame external events or other people for our suffering, never. We must learn to take full responsibility for our lives and stop the blame game.

From a spiritual viewpoint, oneness implies we’re all part of a whole.  Yet oneness does not exclude uniqueness and authenticity. In contrast to our materialistic realm where the paradox is profound and deeply dissonant, the contradiction on a spiritual plane is only superficial. In reality, the universe is created in one harmonious duality: male and female, good and evil, giving and receiving, effort and ease, love and hate, one cannot exist without the other, they are part of the same coin. Because the universe is also within us, that duality is also deep inside each of us.

Otherwise, how could it be that the most monstrous murderer can also be a loving father and husband? How can we explain that a caring priest can also be a child molester? That well-known Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome is far from being an aberration or an exception. It is present in each one of us, only to a lesser or greater degree. Ask any couple, mother and daughter, father and son who have had vicious fights or horrible arguments, prompting acts of hate and violence. The very same person we loved passionately one moment, we’re able to hate violently the next. The only way to understand this is to recognize the presence of our inner duality.

Recognition and then acceptance, that’s how we begin to make peace within. That’s what our primary purpose on this earth is all about: to stop the war inside, to just BE, and accept what is, without judgment. And then as we learn to forgive ourselves, we’re able to work toward our self-betterment. Thus compassion toward the self will inevitably lead to compassion toward the other. That’s how we heal the world, that’s also how we bring about peace on Earth.

We are one, and not just us human beings, but also animals and plants, mountains and oceans; all living breathing organisms are therefore part of an infinite unified soul. Our differences are only a reflection of our level of consciousness. Those who are aware are the enlightened ones who have become transparent, shedding their darkest secrets. Those who are still living in darkness hiding behind their dogmatic and condemnatory minds are not only inflicting pain on others, they’re also destroying their souls and condemning themselves to a vicious cycle of rebirth until they learn their karmic lessons.

The whole universal design is thence made up of many unique parts. It’s something like a gigantic puzzle made up of billions and billions of different parts where each one of us, within every species, is at once distinct and indispensable for the completion of the full picture. Not two organisms are identical in every way. And that individuality is precious, divine, God-like. Therefore, our differences are to be celebrated and not shunned, even as we ARE ONE!!!

Copyright © 2012 by Wafa Faith Hallam

RABAT, MOROCCO, WORLD HERITAGE CITY

Rabat, the capital of Morocco, and the city where I grew up, has just been declared a World Heritage city by the UNESCO for its harmonious mix of medieval and Islamic past and modern European architecture. 

In truth, I always thought this was one of the prettiest cities in Morocco, now it's official !

See the Official UNESCO text below: 

Rabat, modern capital and historic city: a shared heritage

Brief Description

On Atlantic coast in the northwest of the country, is the product of a fertile exchange between the Arabo-Muslim past and Western modernism. The inscribed city encompasses the new town conceived and built under the French Protectorate from 1912 to the 1930s, including royal and administrative areas, residential and commercial developments and the Jardins d’Essais botanical and pleasure gardens. It also encompasses older parts of the city dating back to the he 12 ^th century. The new town is one of the largest and most ambitious modern urban projects built in Africa in the 20 ^th century and probably the most complete. The older parts include Hassan Mosque (started in 1184) and the Almohad ramparts and gates, the only surviving parts of the project for a great capital city of the Almohad caliphate as well as remains from the Moorish, or Andalusian, principality of the 17 ^th century.

Outstanding Universal Value

Brief synthesis

Rabat bears witness to a capital city conceived at the time of the Protectorate, at the beginning of the 20th century. The project successfully adapts modernist town planning and architectural values within the context of the Maghreb, whilst incorporating them into the framework of the ancient city with its many historic and heritage components. The result embodies the emergence of a distinctive architectural and decorative style which is characteristic of contemporary Morocco.

The well-conserved modern city has been rationally designed, and contains quarters and buildings with clearly defined functions and significant visual and architectural qualities. The modern city is characterised by the coherence of its public spaces and by the putting into practice of public health ideas (services, role of vegetation, etc.). The habitat is illustrated by quarters with clearly asserted identities: the Medina and the Kasbah, the residential quarters and the middle-class housing of the modern city, and finally the neo-traditional quarter of Habous de Diour Jamaâ. The city includes a full range of monumental, architectural and decorative elements from the various earlier dynasties. The modern city of Rabat tangibly expresses a pioneering approach to town-planning, which has been careful to preserve historic monuments and traditional housing. The reappropriation of the past and its influence on 20th century town planners and architects has resulted in a distinctive and refined urban, architectural and decorative synthesis. The property as a whole makes visible a heritage shared by several major cultures of human history: ancient, Islamic, Hispano-Maghrebian and European.

Criterion (ii): Through its urban ensemble, its monuments and its public spaces, the modern city of Rabat shows respect for, and draws inspiration from, the earlier Arabo-Muslim heritage. It bears outstanding testimony to the diffusion of European ideas in the early 20th century, their adaptation to the Maghreb, and in return the influence of local, indigenous styles on architecture and decorative arts.

Criterion (iv): The city constitutes an outstanding and fully realized example of modern town planning, for a 20th century capital city, achieved by functional territorial organisation which incorporates the cultural values of the past in the modernist project. The synthesis of decorative, architectural and landscape elements, and the interplay between present and past, offer an outstanding and refined urban ensemble.

Integrity

The various dimensions of the integrity of the property are satisfactory: the balance between the urban plan of the modern city and the conservation of its many earlier urban strata, the integrity of the habitation in the various quarters, the integrity of the archaeological ensembles, the adequately conserved fortifications of the Almohad wall, etc. However, it is necessary to carefully monitor the impact of the major works being considered outside the property, particularly with regard to the view of the property and of the River Bou Regreg from the Kasbah site which overlooks them.

Authenticity

Many individual elements are indicated in the inventory descriptions, and it is clear that the elements forming the property have a high level of authenticity, particularly as regards perceived urban authenticity. More generally, the conditions of authenticity in urban and monumental terms are satisfactory. However, quantified data concerning the individual authenticity of the residential buildings would be a useful addition to the inventory system already in place.

Protection and management requirements

The measures to protect the urban ensembles, the monuments and the archaeological sites are in place. Because of its introduction from an early date, the legislation which applies to the city of Rabat has made a fundamental contribution to the history of its conservation as an urban ensemble which is both ancient and modern. The new measures announced concerning more extensive urban protection and the protection of the urban landscape formed by the property are currently being promulgated.

The management structure is in place, and is coordinated by the new overarching authority of the Rabat Cultural Heritage Preservation Foundation. It relies, with regard to technical and scientific matters, on the National Heritage Directorate, and on various other bodies responsible for specific elements of the property, together with the services of the Municipality and Prefecture of Rabat. A large number of qualified staff are assigned to the conservation and management of the property. All the regulatory and organisational provisions, and the 5-Year Action Programme, are set out in the Management Plan.

Go to the official UNESCO site to see the entire PHOTO GALLERY, Maps, Documents, Indicators, etc.:   http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/1401

What is Sufism?

From Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness and the Essential Self - By Kabir Helminski

         Sufism is a way of life in which a deeper identity is discovered and lived. This deeper identity, beyond the already known personality, is in harmony with all that exists. This deeper identity, or essential self, has abilities of awareness, action, creativity and love that are far beyond the abilities of the superficial personality. Eventually it is understood that these abilities belong to a greater life and being which we individualize in our own unique way while never being separate from it.

Sufism is less a doctrine or a belief system than an experience and way of life. It is a tradition of enlightenment that carries the essential truth forward through time. Tradition, however, must be conceived in a vital and dynamic sense. Its expression must not remain limited to the religious and cultural forms of the past. The truth of Sufism requires reformulation and fresh expression in every age.

Reformulation does not mean that Sufism will compromise its challenge to a stubbornly materialistic society. It is and will remain a critic of “worldliness” — by which it is meant everything that causes us to be forgetful of the Divine reality. It is and must be a way out of the labyrinth of a secular, commercial culture. Most importantly, however, it is an invitation to meaningfulness and well-being.

Sufism, as we know it, developed within the cultural matrix of Islam. The Islamic revelation presented itself as the expression of the essential message brought to humanity by the prophets of all ages. The Qur’an recognizes the validity of 120,000 prophets or messengers who have come to awaken us from our selfish egoism and remind us of our spiritual nature. The Qur’an confirmed the validity of past revelations, while asserting that the original message was often distorted over the course of time.

Sufism’s claim to universality is founded on the broad recognition that there is only one God, the God of all people and all true religions. Sufism understands itself to be the wisdom realized by the great prophets — explicitly including Jesus, Moses, David, Solomon, and Abraham, among others, and implicitly including other unnamed enlightened beings of every culture.

In the Western world today diverse groups exist under the name of Sufism. On the one hand there are those who would say that no true Sufism can exist without appreciation and practice of the principles of Islam. On the other hand some groups exist that more or less ignore the Islamic roots of Sufism and take their teaching from further downstream, from “Sufis” who may or may not have had contact with specifically Islamic teachings.

We could say that there are those who accept Sufism as both form and essence, and there are others who are Sufi in essence but not in form. In my opinion, an appreciation and understanding of the Qur’an, the sayings of Muhammad, and historical Sufism is invaluable to the wayfarer on the Sufi path.

Historically, Sufism was not conceived as separate from the essence of Islam. Its teachers all traced their enlightenment through a chain of transmission going back to Muhammad. While they may have disagreed with certain interpretations of Islam, they never questioned the essential validity of the Qur’anic revelation; nor were they fundamentalists in the sense of rigidly interpreting that revelation or discrediting other faiths. Most often they represented the highest achievements within Islamic culture and were a force of tolerance and moderation.

Over fourteen centuries the broad Sufi tradition has contributed a body of literature second to none on earth. Somehow the guiding principles of the Qur’an and the heroic virtue of Muhammad and his companions provided an impetus that allowed a spirituality of love and consciousness to flourish. Those who follow the Sufi path today are the inheritors of an immense treasure of wisdom literature.

Beginning from its roots at the time of Muhammad, Sufism has organically grown like a tree with many branches. The cause of the branching has usually been the appearance of an enlightened teacher whose methods and contributions to the teaching have been enough to initiate a new line of growth. These branches generally do not see each other as rivals. A Sufi, in some cases, may be initiated into more than one branch in order to receive the grace (baraka) and knowledge of particular order.

There is little cultishness in the work of Sufis. Sufis of one order may, for instance, visit the gatherings of another order. Even the charisma of a particular teacher is always viewed from the perspective that this gift is owed entirely to God. The charisma is valuable in so far as it may bind the hearts of students to a human being who is the truth of the teaching, but many safeguards exist to remind everyone that personality worship and inordinate pride in one’s affiliation are forms of idolatry, the greatest “sin.”

If Sufism recognizes one central truth, it is the unity of being, that we are not separate from the Divine. The unity of being is a truth which our age is in an excellent position to appreciate — emotionally, because of the shrinking of our world through communications and transportation, and intellectually, because of developments in modern physics. We are One: one people, one ecology, one universe, one being. If there is a single truth, worthy of the name, it is that we are all integral to the Truth, not separate. The realization of this truth has its effects on our sense of who we are, on our relationships to others and to all aspects of life. Sufism is about realizing the current of love that runs through human life, the unity behind forms.

If Sufism has a central method, it is the development of presence and love. Only presence can awaken us from our enslavement to the world and our own psychological processes. And only love, cosmic love, can comprehend the Divine. Love is the highest activation of intelligence, for without love nothing great would be accomplished, whether spiritually, artistically, socially, or scientifically.

Sufism is the attribute of those who love. The lover is someone who is purified by love, free of himself and his own qualities, and fully attentive to the Beloved. This is to say that the Sufi is not held in bondage by any quality of his own because he sees everything he is and has as belonging to the Source. Shebli said: “The Sufi sees nothing except God in the two worlds.”

This book is about one aspect of Sufism — presence — how it can be developed and how it can be used to activate our essential human qualities. Abu Muhammad Muta’ish says: “The Sufi is he whose thought keeps pace with his foot — i.e., he is entirely present: his soul is where his body is, and his body is where his soul is, and his soul where his foot is, and his foot where his soul is. This is the sign of presence without absence. Others say on the contrary: ‘He is absent from himself but present with God.’ It is not so: he is present with himself and present with God.”

We live in a culture that has been described as materialistic, alienating, neurotically individualistic, narcissistic, and yet ridden with anxiety, shame, and guilt. From the Sufi point of view humanity today is suffering under the greatest tyranny, the tyranny of the ego. We “worship” innumerable false idols, but all of them are forms of the ego.

There are so many ways for the human ego to usurp even the purest spiritual values. The true Sufi is the one who makes no claims to virtue or truth but who lives a life of presence and selfless love. More important than what we believe is how we live. If certain beliefs lead to exclusiveness, self-righteousness, fanaticism, it is the vanity of the “believer” that is the problem. If the remedy increases the sickness, an even more basic remedy is called for.

The idea of “presence with love” may be the most basic remedy for the prevailing materialism, selfishness, and unconsciousness of our age. In our obsession with our false selves, in turning our backs on God, we have also lost our essential Self, our own divine spark. In forgetting God, we have forgotten ourselves. Remembering god is the beginning of remembering ourselves.

An excerpt from Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness and the Essential Self.
                          By Kabir Helminski

Available from Threshold Books

Published by Jeremy Tarcher, Inc.

To find out more about Sufism see: The Threshold Society  

"Like our soul, the rose blooms amid thorns!"