LETTING GO: The Process of Surrender and Release

- An Easy Technique for a Healthier and Happier Life -

How does it make you feel to see a toddler throwing a tantrum and screaming “I hate you” as her mom looks on mortified? Or when your teenager, your parent or your spouse argues with you and blurts out words that feel like daggers in your chest? We've all been in similar situations. When we’re afraid or hurt, we react forcefully, and often try to hurt back. ~ Why?

From the time we were born, everything we’ve been taught about our negative feelings is that they should be kept under wrap, pushed away or ignored. That constant reminder slowly turned us into walking pressure cookers. We live in a society where negative emotions are viewed as impediments to good relationships and successful careers, forgetting that they are instead valuable indicators that are there to alert us that we are straying away from our source.

The truth is that the process of surrendering to, making peace with, and letting go of our negative feelings allows us to transform our negative feelings into love and freedom, which in turn make us mentally happier and physically healthier. Furthermore, the surrender and release of the darkness inside us takes us back to the light of higher consciousness and the happy beings we are meant to be.

Ultimately, the surrendering reconnects us with our true selves making us instruments of peace and reconciliation instead of forces of discord and separation. In my personal life, the letting go process has transformed my most important relationships—especially my relationship with my daughter, which was often violently argumentative—and made me a far happier person on all fronts. 

UNDERSTANDING  EMOTIONAL PAIN AND ITS EFFECTS

      A)  We are Huge Reservoirs of Accumulated Negative Emotions. 

On the conscious and subconscious levels, we have continuously resorted to various mechanisms to fill up with negativity again and again and we do this in 4 ways:

1. Suppression and Repression: deliberately by suppressing, unconsciously by repressing; in both cases by refusing to deal with negative emotions and thinking or talking about something else.

2. Escape: resorting to activities to mask the pain with excessive drinking, socializing, television viewing, working, exercising, and other seemingly acceptable behaviors.

3. Expression: complaining, demonstrating, and venting, only go so far in releasing the pain. The endless processes of psychotherapy that can go on for years are a good example of often futile expression with limited long term resolution.

4. Denial and Projection: pretending that the feeling does not exist at all or does not belong to us.  However, un-acknowledged and un-recognized negative feelings never just disappear, we project them onto others. They morph and become that which we often hate and despise in other people.

 B) Negative feelings Generate Obsessive Thinking.

Those negative feelings accumulate and fester inside until our containers are so full that they leach into our thoughts and haunt us. Soon the mind turns into a loud chatterbox filled with endless, gloomy, and contradictory thoughts leading to increased stress, and often resulting in serious physical and mental illness.

      C)  Negativity Increases Reactivity.

Our Monkey Mind, fed by our reservoir of negativity, has now created an entity that lives inside us lurking for opportunities to feed itself and grow bigger. Carl Jung speaks of the “Shadow Self,” while Eckhart Tolle calls it the “Pain Body.” This growing entity makes us walking time-bombs. Suddenly, a situation, an event, or a remark will trigger fear, anxiety or anger. We experience the familiar fight or flight response. That entity makes us believe the enemy is the other. Jean-Paul Sartre famously said “Hell is other people,” in his play No Exit; only it is not. The enemy is within.

Isn’t it time to stop the blame game and the finger pointing that we now are witness to so clearly in our society and look at the truth in the face? The truth is everything that is causing us pain and preventing us from being our happy selves is within us. We are victims and prisoners, yes; but not of anything outside of us. Our own negative feelings are to blame, they’re our shackles. Our reactivity is the cause of the conflict inside us, which we continuously project onto others. Nobody pushes our buttons, our reactions are triggered from within as we witness and partake in outside events.

HOW DO YOU FREE YOURSELF?

Whenever you feel a negative emotion, stop and take notice. Do not run away from it. Sit with the feeling and let it be there. Accept it and do not turn it into your enemy. Identify it if you can: Feel the anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, whatever it is. Allow it in your stomach, heart, and guts.

You will feel raw and exposed, but don’t give up, instead surrender and accept the discomfort and let it run its course. It only takes a few minutes and it’s well worth it.

Within a couple of minutes, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Can I let go of this ___ (fill in the blank)? Am I ready to let it go now? Answer YES, and mean it.

Visualize your emotional pain oozing through your system and seeping out of your every pore. Say to yourself: I am now letting go of this pain of ___ right here, right now. Breathe deeply. Pause.

Then, repeat the process by asking yourself:  Do I still feel the ___?

After 2 to 3 rounds, you will feel a lighter energy in you. The negative feeling will lessen considerably even dissolve and disappear.  The whole thing takes about 10 minutes.

You will be able to go on with your day and return to whatever you were doing as if nothing had happened. The trigger is now gone and you won’t be reacting to that situation anymore.

HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU EXPECT RESULTS?

You will feel the difference often very quickly, and even if you use the technique poorly.  Although, sometimes, the pain and negativity are so deep into the subconscious that it will require multiple releasing and a few adjustments before the negativity subsides substantially and is fully released.

In all cases, Practice, Patience and Persistence will yield miraculous results in just a few weeks, if not days. Also do not judge your progress harshly, be kind, and let go of resistance.

THE TECHNIQUE OF SURRENDER AND RELEASE WORKS MIRACLES.

We all wish to be free of anger, guilt, shame, fear, and anxiety. Now you know how.

You can break bad habits, succeed in your career, improve your relationships, enjoy good health, and contribute to the creation of a harmonious and peaceful world.

All of that is eminently possible when you master the art of Letting Go. The technique is easy enough. You just have to want to change and be free of all the negativity that’s holding you back. When you do, you will feel lighter and happier and you will be more creative, more productive and more resilient.

A final word: Don't take my word for it.  Try it for yourself and see what happens!

Note:  I posted a longer article on the same topic on November 18, 2015 titled "Your Negative Feelings are to Blame (or The Secret of Lasting Happiness)."

Sources: 

-          Dr. David R. Hawkins, M.D. Ph.D. "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender." Hay House, Inc.;      2nd ed. edition (January 15, 2014)

-          Hale Dwoskin, "The Sedona Method." Sedona Press; First Printing. edition (February 25, 2015)