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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
By Wafa Faith Hallam
Published March 20, 2016
Do you know that unhappiness builds up
over time and can become so toxic that it can kill you? I should know, my mother passed away because
of too much unhappiness. When she was about my age she began complaining of
lack even though she had more than most.
Her unhappiness led to severe clinical depression and soon she was so
sick her immune system completely collapsed. She was never diagnosed with any
particular life-threatening disease. She was just always complaining and unhappy. My mother’s death is the reason why
understanding happiness and being happy became paramount questions for me.
For most people, unhappiness begins
with wanting what they do not have. And the reasons are unmet expectations, a flawed
belief system, and a deep misunderstanding of what Happiness is.
What
if I told you that the whole premise behind the cherished Jeffersonian concept
of the “Pursuit of Happiness” is misleading to begin with; that the traditional
formula is broken, that it is the other way around? Happiness is not a pursuit;
it is not the result of chasing and achieving our goals but the pre-requisite
for them. It is not because of our unmet expectations that we are unhappy. It is because we are unhappy that we have
unmet expectations.
The
problem is each desire is only a goalpost; as such it only brings temporary
pleasure, and pushes farther away true lasting happiness. Hence, Happiness
becomes a mirage, an illusion! It doesn’t matter how hard we work and how much
material success we achieve, that’s no guarantee we will be happy. Therefore
happiness becomes more and more elusive and hard to pin down, doesn’t it?
So if success, things
and people cannot make us happy how can we ever hope for happiness?
We need to understand what Happiness is:
Happiness is a STATE of MIND, and as
such it cannot be found OUTSIDE the MIND.
So when we outsource our happiness, when we look to sources outside of
ourselves, like people, things and careers we are bound to fail. Material
things and other people cannot make us happy for long.
Happiness is a CHOICE. What we
focus on, we strengthen!
In
his bestselling book, The Happiness
Advantage, Harvard researcher in the field of Positive Psychology Shawn
Achor writes: “What we spend more time and mental energy focusing on can indeed
become our reality.” And because our beliefs affect our
perceptions, what we choose to see will directly affect our state of mind.
Happiness must be cultivated within: We are
born happy. It is our birthright. Circumstances and people cannot cause our
unhappiness. It is not WHAT we are
responding to but HOW we are responding to circumstances and people.
There are 7 ways to cultivate happiness:
1- PRESENCE: Quieting the mind and being present. Living one moment at a time, one day at a
time. Our minds are often chatter boxes fixated on the past and the future and
negating the only thing that’s real, this moment. Stillness or meditation is a
great place to start. Begin by taking 2 or 3 deep breaths throughout the day.
2- ACCEPTANCE: Which also means: Allowance and Surrender to what is!
Everything in the world is based on duality, positive and negative, day and
night, male and female, Yin and Yang and together they form wholeness. We must
accept that love and hate, light and darkness, good and evil, cannot exist one
without the other. Which do you choose to focus on? If the glass appears half
full pick a smaller container.
3- GRATITUDE: Every day when you awake, be thankful and appreciative of
your blessings and all that you have, the small things and the large ones: Your
life, health, family, your home, a warm shower.
4- KINDNESS: Random acts of kindness towards strangers and loved ones are
proven to help our state of mind. But also volunteering and giving back.
5- LANGUAGE: Words
have power, use positive language. Mind your words when you speak of yourself
or others. Do not complain. Complaining makes things worse.
6- NATURE: Exercise and spend more time in Nature. Nature helps us
reconnect with our source. Exercise
flushes out toxins from the body and the mind and helps quiet the mind.
7- SOCIAL NETWORKS and
FUN TIME: Cherish your family
and friends and spend more time with them and have Fun, Laugh, Smile whenever
you can. Laughter is very healing. Avoid the news. Everything passes and
nothing is that important in the end.
In conclusion, true lasting
happiness can be had when we understand what it is.
REMEMBER
that the formula is backward.
HAPPINESS
MUST COME FIRST! -- Happiness is not the Goal but the Means.
Because
when we are happy, we are more creative, more productive, more energetic, more
resilient and healthier, and far more likely to be successful in all areas of
life.
And
finally, Happiness is a State of Mind to be cultivated inside.
As John Milton wrote in
his Paradise Lost, 350 years ago:
“The mind is its own place, and in
itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
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